It has almost been two weeks since my 1st IUI (fertility treatment) this time around. I promised that I’d share my experience along the way and I haven’t written about it since I made that promise. It has been a rollercoaster for me and I haven’t felt like writing. I DID take you guys along with me on my social media stories and was blown away by the support I received. SO MANY of you have experienced or are experiencing unexplained infertility and, by opening up, I feel like part of a community. That’s the power in sharing.
I might be pregnant as I type this. I might not. I test this weekend. I go back and forth between optimism and peace to anxiety and doubt. I know that is normal and it is all part of the process. It’s a strange thing to share this with you, because whatever the outcome is, sharing it will be uncomfortable for me. If I am not pregnant, I will feel defeated. (You better believe I will keep going.) If I am pregnant, I will be sharing that with the world before the second trimester, which leads me open and vulnerable once again. BUT either way, this is stuff that SHOULD be talked about so here I go.
The Process
Before I test, I thought I’d share the actual process with you here. It won’t change much with each cycle, although I will increase the levels on my hormones which will, most likely, affect me even more. But, the general process is the same.
I saw my doctor on day 3 of my cycle. First, she completed labs to make sure I have a normal potential to conceive. Those came out great! Then, she did an ultrasound to check my ovaries. She needed to make sure they are free of cysts so my body is ready for hormones. Again, all good! I took my 1st hormone, a pill called Letrozole, on days 3-7. This hormone stops androgens in my body from converting to estrogen so I’m able to produce FSH, which stimulates the ovary to produce an egg. The side effects of this were pretty major- nonstop headache, nausea, fatigue, weakness, and shortness of breath- and they hit me almost immediately.
On days 7-10, I injected myself (just under the belly button) with Gonal_F. This hormone is used to stimulate an egg to develop and mature. The side effects were much less present here, but included nausea, stomach ache, sore throat, and acne.
I went back in to see my doctor on day 11 for a mid-cycle ultrasound. Here, we checked to see if the hormones had done their job and helped my body to produce and mature eggs. I was so nervous as she checked me. There were no eggs in my right ovary but I had one in my left and it was mature. At first, I was devastated. I endured all of those hormones and my body only produced one egg? But my doctor checked my records and saw that I became pregnant with Lydia with only one! So, my hope was restored. Unfortunately, my uterine wall lining was pretty thin. Ideally, I’d wait to ovulate until that was thicker, but my solo egg was already mature and we’d miss our window if we waited. So, she prescribed an estrogen patch to wear days 11-15. I hated it. Nausea, dizziness, headache, and extreme moodiness kicked in pretty quickly. BUT, I was happy to move on!
She gave me my next injection- Ovidrel, which caused my body to ovulate. We scheduled my procedure for the next day. I was ready. Cody stayed home with Lydia and I drove the 45 minutes (with the specimen as my doctor calls it) in my possession. I prayed and listed to my short fertility playlist on repeat.
Once I arrived, the doctor took the specimen to her lab for washing. This pulls out the healthy sperm and reduces the chemicals in the semen that make it harder to become pregnant. Finally, she completed the intrauterine insemination. The entire process was quick and painless and I was on my way back to my babes within the hour.
I will say this. This was my 5th procedure because it took 4 to become pregnant with Lydia. I didn’t feel anything the first 3 times. But the moment the procedure finished that 4th time, I knew it had worked. Something washed over me and I felt pregnant. I knew when I took the test that it would be positive. So, I looked for that feeling this time and I didn’t have it. I’m not sure what that means- if anything. BUT, I feel like it is important to mention.
Finally, I started my final hormone 3 days after the procedure. Progesterone is taken until I start my cycle OR until I’m 10 weeks pregnant. This enhances the chances of implantation and is necessary to maintain the pregnancy. The side effects I have so far are fatigue, muscle cramps, mood swings, irritability, dizziness, and acne. (OF COURSE weight gain and acne would be BONUS side effects of all hormones. Ugh.)
The Emotions
So, that’s it. I know it is a lot. It is confusing and overwhelming. But I also think it is kind of spectacular that it is even an option and that it works. Because through everything, I’ve carried that with me. It WILL work. My emotions have really been all over the place. Lots and lots of anxiety. The crazy thing is the hormones mimic early signs of pregnancy. So while I’m overly tired and sore and nauseous, I might not be pregnant.
My mindset in the beginning of this process was completely negative. I was resentful that I wasn’t able to become pregnant on my own and I was scared about how the hormones would affect me. I’m still scared. Because the longer this takes, the more hormones I’ll have inside me, and the more side effects I’ll feel. I’ve had days when I’ve been less than patient with my baby and I hate that. There have been days when I’ve slept the entire time she napped. I hate that, too. The first couple weeks, I wasn’t myself and I let my emotions take over. I stopped working out. I had zero appetite so I didn’t fuel my body with nourishment. And while I was tired, I had insane insomnia at night. After the procedure, things shifted. I had done everything I could and now it was time to wait. So, I evaluated my days and recommitted to controlling the controllable. That’s where I’m at now.
I don’t know what the outcome will be when I test. I obviously want, more than anything, for it to be positive. But it took 4 cycles to get my perfect baby girl and that was more than worth it. So, I’ll keep going because I trust in life’s timing and I know we’ll have another baby when it is our time.
<3, Di
Diannah Killian 
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